Good Girl Syndrome; From a Brown Girl Perspective
Recently I posted a Reel on my Instagram, and it resonated with so many sisters. It spoke about how as Brown Girls and daughters of immigrants we can suffer from 'Good Girl Syndrome.' You'll know, when we grow up having to tick many boxes, stay in our lane, get guided into certain choices and basically allow for others to define our life journey.
As daughters of immigrants, I guess we feel a certain responsibility towards fulfilling the dream our parents have for us because of the sacrifices they made for a better life for us. Having to uproot their entire lives, for a new land where they barely knew the language and holding on to our culture most have been exhausting. They are one of the most community centred people I know, I guess that was the way they held onto any semblance of a life they knew, their own people.
From coaching many sisters, I know that emotional well-being often took a backseat for such parents and emotions were only invoked to encourage obedience from their children. We can't blame them for the life they gave us as no one really knows the cost it came at for them. Their health may have deteriorated faster than western counterparts because of the stress, trauma and hard work with having to settle for a new life. Did anyone make room for their emotions and feelings? Were their opinions have considered? I mean you can't teach what you don't know.
So many sisters, struggle when they cannot forgive or forget certain behaviours of their parents. It's a personal choice; either you widen your perspective, choose forgiveness or live with the effects of such trauma - either way I would wholeheartedly encourage you to heal.
Where does that leave the adult in you though? Now that you've grown up; your life, the career you have, the family you are raising, the relationships you have to maintain - all depend on you. The real you, because not having an opinion creates anger, being overlooked festers resentment and being reactive leaves you open to manipulation. People are ready to paint a narrative about who you are, especially if you are easily emotionally reactive. So that you are misunderstood and in a world where this becomes your identity, who better can protect yourself than you?
We all reach a point where we start craving a deeper connection with ourselves—one that goes beyond the roles we play and the expectations we meet. For so many Muslim women, we’re balancing our faith, our work, our family, and all the expectations that come with it. But where’s the room to explore who you really are? That’s what today’s post is all about: giving yourself the freedom to rediscover, reconnect, and rebuild the life you want to live.
Rediscover Who You Really Are:
When you start having the self-awareness that the life you are leading is not the life that reflects your innermost thoughts and feelings, it's time to listen and rediscover what your inner voice is telling you. Rediscovery isn’t a journey you complete in a day. It’s about carving out time, without guilt, to remember the things that truly light you up. What are those forgotten passions? What are the values you cherish? Rediscovery gives you the space to recognise your potential and the incredible qualities you bring to the world.
Reconnect with Your Inner Voice:
Living for others is beautiful, but when it becomes a pattern, we can lose sight of our own inner voice. Reconnecting means allowing yourself to feel your emotions without judgement. Take moments each day to listen to yourself, to your intuition, and to the things you need. By reconnecting with yourself, you’ll find that relationships naturally become more balanced because you’re able to give from a place of strength. Our cultures will often look to speaking your truth as being disrespectful and here is where effective communication really comes to play. You have to be able to share your thoughts and feelings in a way that they will be received well, becoming defensive or argumentative sets you back even more. I'm sure you can resonate with the ability to stay calm and not let your emotions or anger get the better of you.
That's why I carefully crafted the 5 day self study course below to help the relationships you are in, understand each other with compassion and empathy. It's currently only £49! A bargain for changing the way you speak with confidence, calm and clarity.
Rebuild Your Life with Clarity and Balance:
Once you’re in tune with who you are, rebuilding your life becomes an act of empowerment. You can recognise the changes that will lead you feeling more aligned with your purpose and spirituality. Set healthy boundaries, create habits that feel aligned with your spirit, and make choices that nourish you. This journey is about shifting from overwhelm to intentionality, from just ‘getting through the day’ to truly living. Finding that balance that creates room for your relationship with Allah (swt) and His people.
Sis, this journey doesn't have to be yours alone. Identifying what needs to change is the first step to a happier and healthier you. Working together can save you time and energy because we have tried and tested methods to not only help you but empower you. Our community looks to keep you going in the toughest moments of change so that you can control the life you are living with the decree of Allah (swt). I know it can seem scary, but you look to confident and self-assured women who are doing it and wonder if you could do the same. Absolutely! Those women are invested in their personal development and spiritual growth. You just have to start your journey of self-discovery, who knows what you may find nestled deep within.
If you have any questions, please get in contact at [email protected]
